Random wars
by crystalrosepearl
Summary: Meet Poofle, the bunny. Link is a beaver, Snake the bear, Roy is always angry, Marth the wolf and many more random stories in this fic!
1. Captain Falcon is smoking, holy crap!

Random Wars

A/N: crappy name, I know!

Disclaimer: I own nobody but Poofle the bunny that kinda looks like Kirby.

Me: YAY!

Jack: what?

Me: finally, a humor fic!

Ridley: you...uh...

Me: nope!

Roy: ...ok.

Me: there's gonna be lots of random characters in this fic! OMG BIGGEST CROSSOVER EVAH IN HISTORY!

All three: O.O...um...-yeah.they back away, far away.-

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it was a sunny day in the castle, everybody was laughing, eating and doing random things like always. but then chaos came when Kirby invited his cousin, Poofle.

Kirby: pyo!

Poofle: nice to meet you all!

Everybody: hi.-nervous laughs-

Luigi: it talks? oh lordy!-he punches himself in the stomach-

Mario: you-a both look the same to me.

Poofle: urm...

Roy: I wouldn't mind if you died right now you useless rabbit thing!-hisses like a snake-

Marth: calm down Roy.

Roy: FINE HUMAN!-roars-

Peach: my, my, aren't you the cutest thing I've ever saw!

Poofle: um, thanks...

Zelda: your ears, they are so beautiful.-touches Poofle's long, droopy ears-

Pichu: pichu, pichu, pichu!(translation: am I cute too?)

Peach: yeah yeah, whatever.-ignores Pichu-

Jigglypuff: Jiggly...Puff!-is very mad-(translation: damn you, newcomer!)

Pikachu: Pika!-is very mad also-(translation: what a jerk!)

Mewtwo: ...hmmm...-is praying-

Captain Falcon: -**smokes-** who the hell ui yuh? Ui suih woha tuh hella ui yuh?

Roy : -hisses like a snake again- shut up evil hippie, no cares about you!-turns into a girl-

Captain Falcon: wuta tulking yuh abnout snuke wumun with thut buear?

Snake: Roy's right, no gives a bleeep! About you! -glares with his cute bear eyes-

Captain Falcon: whut ui yuh? Uh yuh…thunk buear!

Mario: no one gives a f-bleeep! about you and you really need to stop smoking jackass!

Mr. G&W: beep! beep!-gets eaten by Peach-

Popo: are you really Kirby's cousin?-hyper-

Nana: yeah are you?-hyper also-

Poofle: yes I am!-screams at poor Popo and Nana-

Both: ok...O.o...Jesus...what a creep.-they both leave the room to go play outside-

Falco: ...huh?

Captain Falcon: omg lolz!-gets dragged to a mental hospital-

Falco: ...what was that again! Oh nothing...

the chaos starts in Bowser's 'magic' show.

Bowser: my assistant Peach will be in this box!

**-crowd claps loudly-**

Bowser: thanks! -bows-

Peach: hello everyone!-waves to the really huge crowd and locks herself in the box-

Somewhere...Wario and Mario turn into giant sumo pandas!

Wario: hyuh!-stomps the ground-

Mario: byuh!-stomps some building-

Wario: -farts really loud- boooooooooo!

Mario: -**farts extremely loud- **duuuuuh!

The 2 farts were so loud, the sound barrier broke and random people in the other universes transformed into random things and people in the Nintendo universe were also affected.

some random person: oh my god! It smells like S! -turns into a pencil-

Soren: aaahhhhhh...! -turns into a moose holding a puppet-

Patrick: bluh! -turns into a monster blob thingy-

Everybody was screaming, running around yelling "it's the end of the world as we know it!"

Peach: -**turns into a pink giant frog blob-**

Bowser: -**turns into a old man-** get him...

Poofle: -looks around- wuhiya?

audience was really mad at Poofle.

Person: you monster! -grabs chainsaw-

Everyone in the audience, Bowser and Peach ran after him.

(some other place)

boy: soooo...what do ya wanna do?

man: I dunno...you?

-they both see the crowd chasing Poofle-

boy: didn't see that coming!

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sorry it's so short!

**-Laughs weakly-**

yeah, Captain Falcon is smoking.. and Falco likes to talk to himself!

Snake is a small talking bear, Roy is a snake girl...or dragon girl or maybe a shapeshifter.. O.o.

Marth is a werewolf.. yeah, I'm a weirdo! And many more crazy things!

Review or Poofle will eat you alive!

Flames will be roasted!


	2. Samus hates chickens!

Random Wars

Disclaimer: I don't own any one or anything in this fic but Poofle and Erin!

Patrick: -stares at the TV- why did the screen go blank?

Link: me don't nuuuuno.

Patrick: shut up talkie the beaver, I like this TV show!

Link: nouh...nouh...nouh! -sings-

Patrick: still nothing happening...doh, another rerun!

-4 hours later-

Patrick: this show sucks crow brains. -leaves-

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the crowd was looking to kill Poofle and Poofle was hiding in a garbage disposal and he saw a magic wand.

Poofle: wuhiya? -casts a portal- chiya!

The crowd chanted "kill, kill, kill Poofle" in monotone.

Everybody: where did he go? Oh well.

Poofle jumped into the portal and went to some unknown world.

Poofle: chiya?

He saw a dragon up in the sky.

Red dragon: what is that thing?

Some man: ...

Some other young guy: it's Kirby! Awesome!

Blue dragon: is it a spy from knights of the seal, Nowe?

Nowe: nah, just yellow Kirby, Legna.

Legna: Kirby what-what?

Nowe: let's go meet him now!

Manah: I don't know...there's something weird about him.

Nowe: who cares Manah, let's go see him right now!

Legna flew down.

Poofle: wuhiya?

Back in the Nintendo universe...

Link: where's Poofle?

Roy: I don't know you piece of garbage!-snarls-

Marth: you really need to stop being angry or you'll end up like Captain Falcon!

Roy: he deserved it!

Zelda: you two, stop it...let's look around.

Both: alright...

Everybody in the temple looked for Poofle.

Luigi: this-a bunny... where is he anyway?

Young Link: that's why we are searching you dumbass!

Mr. G&W: beep, beep, beep...!

Zelda: -gasps- there was a magic show right guys?

Everybody: uh huh.

Zelda: that means...Poofle went to that magic show!

Roy: what the hell that has to with anything idiot?

Zelda: Poofle caused this universal catastrophe!

DK: ...where's my god damn pizza?

Erin: where's mummy...did she die?

Marth: I'm afraid she's dying...-howls-

Marth goes near Erin and tries to hold her, but Erin pushed Marth away.

Erin: DON'T TOUCH ME DOG! Mummy said you should never touch me and she hates you! -Sticks her tongue-

Marth: -sobs-

Roy: humph...you being yelled at by a 6 year old girl...that's so humiliating. –Roars-

Marth: I feel so sick. –Covers face in shame-

DK: where's the damn pizza idiots!

Samus: don't eat it or you'll die.

DK: what? me die! OMG!-runs around-

Samus: hahahahaha! I got the last slice!

DK: you a -bleeeeeep!-, you baby vomit! You hobo! You chicken hater!

Samus: whoa, gotta run!-leaves to write how much she hates chickens-

DK: come back here, you –bleeep!- -bleeep!-!

Ness: -chews gum- wow, this gum is cool.

Snake: ...I like gum too! –chews gum too-

-8 hours later-

Ness: -still chewing gum-

Mr. G&W: beep, beep, beep beeeep! -grabs his 2d knife-

Ness: -grabs Mr. G&W's throat and throws him in acid- uh oh.

Snake: O.O...wow, he looks disturbing when he dies. - spits out gum-

Ness: I didn't know that! –is really clueless- I think I just swallowed a fly.

Snake: eeeewww...

Link: -looks in the mirror and screams in horror- I'm...I'm...a beaver! –sobs-

Back in the streets...

Peach: damn, we lost him.-pants heavily-

Bowser: uh oh, I think I'm getting a heart attack!-faints-

Peach: Bowser, typical, typical, Bowser.

Some person: we fans wanna join your army!

Peach: what army?

Boy: yours!

Peach: me and Bowser never had an army before but oh well! let's go army!

Crowd: -cheers-

Some Dumpster...

Yoshi: me can't find something to eat! Ooooooooohhhh...what's this?

Yoshi saw a golden wand on a huge mountain of trash.

Yoshi: me can't eat it, but it looks so cool! -picks up the golden wand-

He casts a spell and a portal opened.

Yoshi: is there food in there? –jumps-

A meadow...

Kirby: pyo...-cries-

Pichu: pichu, pichu, pichu, pichu!(Translation: your stupid cousin of yours will never come back!)

Pikachu: pikkkkkkkkkaaaaaaachu!(Translation: why you son of a bitch! You bastard whore!) –bites Pichu violently-

Jigglypuff: jigglypufff...(Translation: not this again.) -hits her head-

Kirby: pyo. Pyo? –grabs some wand and waves it around-

Again, another portal opened.

The pokemon and Kirby: -jumps-

Back to Poofle.

Poofle: chiya? Lookie birdie! –throws rock at Angelus-

Angelus: -shrieks- were going down!

Caim: ...damn it!

Some woman: you moron! You stole my hairdryer!

Manah: what are you talking about, Eris?

Eris: somebody stole it while I was doing chores!

Nowe: oh noes! It's the end of the world because some girl can't find the stupid hairdryer!-laughs really hard-

Eris: shut up cat nerd! -throws a book-

Nowe: make me cockatoo brain! –throws a trash can-

Both: -fight-

Manah: ...-mews-

Poofle: kitty! –pulls her tail-

Manah: -hisses- son of a...

Urick: some creep stole my mask!

Nowe: shut up, Ms. I'm-so-great! –pushes and stabs Eris-

Urick: whatever...fine, go on with your fight.

Eris: never, sir-laughs-a-lot! –kicks and slaps Nowe-

Legna: this is stupid... those two are like puppies fighting over a chew toy.

Angelus: I agree.. who are you again?

Legna: uuuuhhh, never mind!

Caim: ...if those morons won't shut up, I'll cut somebody's eyes out!

Poofle: -plays with a pink hairdryer and a mask- me so pweetty!

-everybody stops arguing-

Everybody but Poofle: ...OoO...-stares in horror-

-night-

-cricket chirps-

Seere: ...get him!

Everybody: yeah! Kill, kill, kill! -they grab their weapons-

Poofle: -takes off Urick's mask, stops playing with Eris's hairdryer and throws both in his sack and runs-

Nowe: hey yellow Kirby, can I get your autograph? –runs after him-

Manah: this isn't the time for stupid autographs!

Nowe: it's not stupid!

The crowd runs after Poofle with weapons and other things(mousetraps, rat poison, etc.).

Poofle casts a portal to another universe.

Seere: let's jump!

Nowe: how come you get to be the leader?

Seere: never mind that, JUMP!

Everybody(Poofle, Yoshi the pokemon, Kirby and the others) were in different universes.

lots of voices are heard.

Yoshi: where's the food?

Link: waaaaaaauh! Nouh!

DK: piiiiiizzzzzzzzzzaaaaa!

Samus: chickens suck ass!

Falco: Snake who? Oh, there's a snake!

Mario: -sings opera and everything blows up-

Wario: -farts really loud-

Roy: ...love me! -roars-

Marth: -howls-

Zelda: I'm the sane one! -scoffs-

Ness:I love gum!

Snake: do you know where's my parents!

Mewtwo: ...it's the end! -goes insane-

Pichu: piiiiiiiichu!

Captain Falcon: Muirio dubos suinga lols! -smokes-

Peach: please take care of Erin for me, you damn hobos! -ribbit-

Bowser: stupid TV!

Young Link: I'm always right and deal with it, bitches! -woof-

Pikachu: ...pika?

Jigglypuff: jiggly!

Luigi: -vomits- I don't feel so good.

Mr. G&W: bbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeppppp! -is a zombie-

Fox: ...whatevah!

Popo: damn aliens!

Nana: you stupid lezzie!

Ganondorf: don't call me Ganondork! -hears loud laughter- suck my -bleeeeeep!- you -bleep!- !

Dr. Mario: I wanna hear a god damn confession from you bastards! -oink-

Pit: -sobs- it was me, I did it Laura! -tweets-

Nowe: I'm Kirby's fan! -meows-

Eris: if some idiot takes my hairdryer, I'm gonna beat them to their death! -growls-

Urick: come back here you coward! -neighs-

Manah: I don't wanna die young! -hisses-

Soren: puppets are all my friends! -evil laughter-

Angelus: you people are all incects! -roars loudly-

Legna: your a stupid boob brain!

Caim: ...ok, man.

the voices stop.

the end...**NEVER!**

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Link is a baby beaver, oh no!

Tom Nook: that will be 70,000 bells!

Link: shut up! –beats Tom Nook to death-

Pichu: -shifty eyes-

Review or die!

Flames will be turned into nachos and tacos!


	3. Marth is a what?

Random wars

Disclaimer: I own no one!

-everything silences-

what?

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a random flashback.

Patrick: did you know you looooove your puppet too much?

Soren: um...uh...yes, why?

Haley: hey!

Patrick: who said that?

Haley: me, Soren's puppet friend!

Soren: Haley, quiet!

Haley: ...your not the boss of me, Soren! Tee hee!

Patrick: oh... as I was saying, do you have sex with your puppet?

-everyone looks at Patrick really disturbed-

Kalas: ...YOU WHAT WITH YOUR WHAT-WHAT? –nose bleeds-

Daniel: ...gross... oh no, puffy! –runs after his dog-

Lyon: -vomits behind a tree- eeeeeeewwww!

Georg: ...that is the most disturbing thing I've ever heard. –vomits-

Lym: is it just me or every guy I know are a bunch of homos? –faints-

Peter: ...-hides something-

Sialeeds: this is worst than Mel's jokes! –barfs-

A flashback in a flashback.

Mel: if you mix an orange and a chicken, it becomes chicken orange! Get it right Branky?

Draco: boooooooring!

Roy: not funny...why did I come here?

Jack: ...what?

Cartman: weeeeeeeeeak.

Lucy: is that even funny?

Max: it's the same joke that Samus told me!

Ike: -throws brick at Mel- hey little girl, tell better jokes next time!

Lang: I'm not laughing. –throws his chair at her-

-every one boos and hisses-

end the flashback.

Kyle: don't mention it ever again!

Sialeeds: yeah, I know that.

Timmy: puppet sex...eeeeeewww!

Soren: -summons lightning out of nowhere- what a sicko, let's leave Haley.

Patrick groans in pain.

End of flashback.

Ike: that's odd, I've never heard of that! –squeak!-

Peach: p-p-puppet sex is the nastiest thing!

Bowser: slut, go away...O.O...

Ike: what did I do wrong? Why! –sobs in the rain-

Every one looks at Ike sobbing.

Diddy Kong: poor guy must be a hobo...I don't care!

Olimar: damn it, I'm late to have s- I mean buy some medicine!

Birdo: birdoooooo...

Petey: this guy should put in a mental hospital for a long time!

Little Mac: -plays violin sadly-

Shy Guy: -puts a sign says "your a hooker!"-

Metaknight: where's the hooker!

Ridley: you're a doof! Hyuh hyuh!

Ike: -bites his lip- bastards!

Ike gets into a fight with the crowd were mocking him.

The temple...

Marth: I'm not gay!

Young Link: ...yes you are! –laughs-

Link: -foams like a rabid dog- liar...liar!

Roy: ...-scoffs-

Marth: no, I mean it!

Roy: ...prove it idiot boy.

The 2 Links laughed.

Link: come on, do it!

Marth breaks his tiara and takes off his 'hair'.

Marth: I'm a brunette and that tiara is fake.

Link: the truth...really hurts. -burns-

Young Link: we were wrong? Oh my god...my eyeballs are screaming. I liked it better when you didn't tell us the truth.

Zelda: -opens door- Marth, I-who are you, what have you done with Marth?

Roy: everybody is contagious like you. –leaves-

Marth: I'm a brunette, seriously!

Zelda: I must take my anti-pissed off pills now. –takes it and gasps-

Marth: O.o ...you take pills?

Zelda: I take them every 3 hours.

Marth: I never have taken a pill before.

Zelda: looks like I'm older than you, kid. –pats Marth's back-

Marth: ...old hag...-mumbles-

Zelda: -grabs a hammer and whacks Marth in the head- crazy brunette, I'm not old like a hag!

Fox: yo, yo, yo ho! –pops and shoots randomly-

Captain Falcon: whe thatd gue with blu haie? ohs yuh... Darth Vader! –smokes crack-

Ganondorf: people, were gonna be fine. –hears loud laughter...again- damn you!

DK: must kill Snake and eat him...-chases Snake-

Snake: aww, crap. -grabs a huge box and hides himself-

Mr. G&W: beeeeeeeep! -is eaten by DK-

Luigi: -craps his pants- that's the 3rd time today!

To Yoshi...

Yoshi: any food around here?

Megaman: if you take one more step, I'll blast you!

Yoshi: I wanna eat now! –whines-

Roll: who is this lovely cute thing?

Megaman: an intruder, Roll!

Roll: no, stupid...it's Yoshi!

Megaman: Yoshi? Oh, sorry...your majesty!

Yoshi: whuti? Whuti ui your mujsuty mean?

Megaman: we worship a person who looks just like you!

Yoshi: ouh, whut hise nameb?

Megaman: King Toshi.

-scary music-

Yoshi: O O...my daddy? –faints-

Megaman: he's your dad? That means you're a prince!

Yoshi: but he left me!

Roll: poor you.

Megaman: your dad is so awesome!

Yoshi: I know...

Do-Dop apartments.

Ganondorf: damn, I gotta deliver the mail to Olimar!

Ganondorf rings the bell.

Olimar: -opens the door and scratches his ass- what is it?

Ganondorf: mail!

Olimar: hey, where's your mailbag?

Ganondorf: -craps out Olimar's mail- here you go. –hands the letter-

Olimar: no, you keep it. It has your poo all over it! –throws it away and closes the door -

Ganondorf walks to Diddy's apartment and knocks the door.

Diddy: is it pizza time? –yawns loudly-

Ganondorf: yes, in fact there's lots of pizza in it! –sarcasm-

Diddy: wherewherewherewherewhere!

-4 hours later-

Diddy: wherewherewherewherewherewherewhere!

Ganondorf: -farts out a big package- here's your damn pizza!

Diddy: wowowowowowowowowowwow!

Ganondorf: D'oh!

The whole neighbourhood hears.

Ganondorf: always a really tough day for the mailman. –farts mail-

Link: ewugh! You fart mail!

Ike: -vomits-

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Yeah, there's no Poofle or the other people I've mentioned in the 2nd chapter.. yeah, I forgot them...but don't worry, they will be in next chapter!

Review now fools!

Flames will thrown away.


	4. Ness steals ice cream!

Random wars

Disclaimer: nobody is mine...again.

Poofle: na-na-na!

Yoshi: buh-bhub-ba!

Ike: froo!

Roxas: mrrrow!

Me: hey you, your not suppose to be here right now!

Roxas: I don't care!

Me: -chases Roxas with a broom- go away!

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a random web toon.

Nowe: where are we?

Seere: I don't know you jerk!

Nowe: you cry baby!

Seere: you pussy!

Manah: what's with the purple background?

2 egg shaped characters roll onto the screen.

Eris: you look...creepy.

Random soldier # 567: oh noes, a chickensnake! A chickensnake! –points at Urick-

Soldiers: -chanting- kill the chickensnake, kill the chickensnake!

Urick: ... O.o;; -hisses and clucks-

Weebl: what's it to ya, stupid kittehbird?

Eris: huh?

Bob: you're a kittehbird!

Nowe: where's the kittehbird?

Eris: -looks at herself and screams- I'm a...kittybird! –meows and tweets-

Bob: ughhhhh...uuuuugh...uuuuuugh...bark...pie! –is a cavedogman-

Weebl: -scary moan- Weebl zombie want brain pie...Weebl zombie want brain pie...

Random soldier # 900: go away! –throws plastic sword at Weebl and then panics- whatdoidowhatidowhatido! Aaaaaarrrrgh! My brains! –gets eaten-

Weebl: yummy, who wanna die next? –is drunk...sorta.-

Bob: uuuuuugggghhh... fried people...

Eris: Nowe, do something!

Nowe: uuuummmm... Seere...wake up!

Seere wakes up and beats Nowe into a pulp.

Seere: that's for waking me up you bitch!

The random soldiers throw their weapons at Weebl and Bob and they panic.

Random soldier # 1300: mommy! I want my mommy!

Random soldier # 1521: -bad German accent- curse you eggs! I'll be back!

Random soldier # 67: -kaboom!-

Random soldier # 200: omgwtfbumlazyassboob!

Random soldier # 103: meesa gonna die now!

Random soldier # 78: dooooooooooooom!

Random soldier # 45: itsy bitsy spider went up the water- D'OH!

Random soldier # 107: cheesy!

Crowd: whatdowedowhatdowedowhatdowedo?

They all panic like the idiots are and they get eaten by Weebl and Bob.

Manah: huh? –poof-

The others: -poof-

Weebl: mmmmmm, brain...try one Bob!

Bob: k!

But then all of a sudden they and the other characters disappear too.

Some other web toon.

Poofle: wuhiya?

A voice yelled "hey!".

Poofle: chita!

Homestar: dude, who the hell are you?

Strong Bad appears.

Strong Bad: The Cheat, come here!

The Cheat appears out of a trash can.

The Cheat: I'm eating, you mother -bleep!-!

Strong Bad: is this your cousin?

The Cheat: ...meh?

Strong Bad: I said is this your cousin you crazyass, s-bleep!- eating cheetah!

The Cheat: well -bleep!- you tire eating bastard!

Strong Bad: suck my –bleeep!- you lazy wrench!

The Cheat: -gasps- why you have feet that smells like DK's –bleep!-! –punches Strong Bad in the stomach-

Strong Bad: you have a face that looks like a damn wuss!

The Cheat: you have dumb alien eyes!

Strong Bad: go –bleeeeep!- yourself!

The Cheat: you're a bald loser!

Strong Bad: you eat garbage for dinner!

Strong Bad and The Cheat continue to yell and scream insults at each other.

Marzipan: -groans- they've been arguing forever!

Coach Z: when will they stop the madnuss?

Bubs: I can't take it anymore! –grabs a sniper rifle-

Strong Sad: -sighs- wow, my brother is even more crazy than before!

Strong Mad: argh! Blah blah! do do da boo! –whacks himself in the head-

Mr. Bacon: don't eat me! Aaaaaaahhhhh! –gets eaten anyway...kinda-

Homsar: yoy, yummy bacon! Uh oh! –vomits and farts-

Homestar: ummm... uh guys, will you stop arguing damn it?

The Cheat: ...what are you gonna do about it?

Strong Bad: I'll burn you!

Poofle does nothing but listen to the 2 people argue.

Poofle: chiiya?

While Strong Bad and The Cheat were still arguing, Bubs shot a bird to get attention.

Bubs: damn it! They are still not listening! –runs to some church and rings the church bell-

Poofle: -yawns- bruhazu! –leaves to go another world-

Everyone poofed.

Some place with a pineapple and a Easter head.

Squidward: keep it coming boys! –laughs-

Spongebob: y-y-es master...-cries-

Patrick: -wails-

Spongebob is naked and since Patrick was a monster blob…he's already nude.

Spongebob: -brings tea- here you go.

Squidward: this more fun than that new years party! –laughs-

Flashback.

Fish # 1: when is it gonna start?

The clock tick tocks and everyone was just standing there.

Fish # 2: sooooooo….anybody up for ping-pong?

Fish # 1: nah.

Fish # 3: ping-pong sucks!

Fish # 2: ok, I'll play by myself. –leaves to go play ping-pong-

Squidward: did anybody bring the chips and dip?

Fish # 3: no.

Squidward: this is the worst party ever.

Everyone was still just standing there.

End flashback.

Kirby and the pokemon appear out of a portal.

Kirby: O.O

Pichu: ……piiiiiiiiiiiiiichu! –screams-

Jigglypuff: j-j-jigglypufff! –faints-

Pikachu: pika! –grabs something and smashes himself-

Patrick: aaaaaahhhh! Who are you guys!

Kirby: pyo, pyo! –touches Patrick- gooey!

Jigglypuff: -touches Patrick and shudders- jiggly….

Sandy walks by and screams like a banshee.

Sandy: OMG, your both nude! –points at Spongebob and Patrick-

Patrick: where!

Sandy: -starts laughing- your nude! What a joke!

Patrick: that's not-a funny!

Redcrow City.

Ness: where's your home?

Snake: -scratches head- I dunno!

Fox sneaks behind them.

Fox: Sunkupe, yo mommma sgo uglby….suhe hus noo asseses! –smokes a huge cigar-

Snake: shut the F-bleep!- up, ass wiper!

Fox: sbombo lol!

They beat up each other.

Ness: uh oh, this gonna end really bad. –eats mango ice cream he found laying on the sidewalk- mmmmm, bugs and rocks!

Tir Mcdohl pops out of nowhere and chases Ness.

Tir: give me back my ice cream!

Ness: you don't want it, because…..it's mine!

Tir: you don't wanna mess with me when I'm angry! –grabs a big baseball bat-

Ness: aaaaaaahhhhhh! –runs around in circles-

The random people in a bunch of buses see Tir, Ness, Fox and Snake beating up each other and they start laughing at them.

Boyd: Oh my god, this is awesome! Owww damn it my leg! –is limp-

Tom Nook: -laughs evilly-

Daisy: -takes pictures- this great for the Redcrow Weekly!

Ridley: Hyuh hyuh hyuh! Look at them dirty city people!

Ridley's kids: -laughs and points-

Cosmo: this is good mashed potatoes! –eats them with a spoon-

Soren: XD!

Haley: -laughs-

Roy: tu ue a stupid cochon! –starts cursing in French and points to Fox-

Marth: do you really speak French? –pats Roy on the shoulder-

Roy: qui! –roars-

Marth: cool.

Link: what the hell he just said?

Marth: I dunno!

Petey: you is stooopid!

Rolf: oh, not this idiot again!

Petey: shaddap buitch!

Rolf: -whacks Petey with baseball bat- die die die die die you son of a bitch!

Petey looks beaten and bruised and is dead.

Rolf: -breathes heavily and throws the baseball bat away and it hits Ness- hey, Boyd…let's go back to our restaurant!

Boyd: alright….

They both get out of the bus and leave to go to a restaurant.

Snake: die! –grabs a sniper rifle but realizes he doesn't have it- awww, crap…I left it in that loony's room!

Snake hits his head and starts remembering something.

Snake: wait, I can use my claws!

Fox: lololololol!

Another Petey pops out of nowhere.

Petey: muhahahaha!

The other Snake pops out of nowhere and grabs a huge gun and kills Petey.

The other Snake: I pity that overgrown plant…..-turns back into Roy-

Petey dies….again.

Ness is still running around in circles screaming and yes, Tir is still pissed off at Ness for stealing his mango ice cream.

Random boy: …..-yawns-

A Man: what the?

The crowd mumbles and they get in the bus.

The bus driver kills Petey the 3rd time by running over him and backing up the bus.

Some boy with a huge hat spits on Petey's dead corpse and runs away.

Link: mmmmmmmmmmm, woooooooooooodddd………-drools-

Mewtwo: -still praying and chanting for 3 days-

Daniel: look it's the mac and cheese fairy! –points to the wall- Oh mac and cheese fairy, will you make me mac and cheese?

Sialeeds: what an moron….he really thinks the mac and cheese fairy is real.

Roy: yeah, the prince is a toony-loony!

Lyon: waaaaahhhh! I'm not a kid! –cries-

Fayt: wha? –is stared at by a huge crowd-

Mario: mmm, bamboo egg rolls! Sweet, sweet bamboo egg rolls!

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Me: Finally! It took days for this to get this chapter done! Man, I'm so lazy.

Review now or Marth will hunt you down in the forest and kill you with a chainsaw!

All Flames are torn into a billion pieces, go away flamer.


	5. Wario annoys tourists!

Random wars

Disclaimer: don't sue me for this! I own no one damn it!

Link: there's so many people in this fic, it's crrrrrrrrrrrrazy!

a guy runs around the park naked.

WTF?

Homer: -screams and starts sobbing- my clothes are all gone!

Bart: I sold your underwear and donated your clothes to charity!

Homer: why you little..! –strangles Bart-

Matthew: mama! Where are you!

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Popo: OMG aliens! –shoots a cow-

Nana: WTF! Where? –looks around-

Popo: -accidentally kills Nana with his gun... - oh no...oh no...NOOOOOOOOOO!

Sad music plays.

Popo breaks down and sobs like a girl.

Popo: gods, why did you take my sister! Take me! ME!

Ridley: dumb city person crying like a moron! Hyuh hyuh!

Little Mac: -plays violin- that man has no balls!

Pit: Laura!

Peter Griffin: cheese! –laughs-

Diddy: I hate you, man. Seriously.

Poo: -stares- whoa...

Paula: you, sir, deserve death!

Brian Griffin: that's so...sad.

Popo continues crying.

A voice screams "I'm not dead!"

Popo looks around.

Popo: wha?

The voice yells again.

Popo: oh noes ghost!

Nana: -gets up and slaps Popo- idiot! I was unconscious!

Sad music stops.

Crowd: WTF!

Nana: I have a bullet-proof shield!

Popo: you never told me!

Nana: you have one too you bastard!

Popo: oops! I forgot! –scratches his head-

Nana: grrrrrrrrrrrr! Die bitch! –her becomes face really, really red and grabs a huge gun-

Popo: UH OH. O.O;;;;;;

Popo runs away really fast and Nana catches up.

The scene shows 2 birds sitting in a tree looking at Popo and Nana.

Bird # 1: wooooohooooo...loonies. –does the crazy loop with his hand-

Bird # 2: phew! I wouldn't wanna be them!

Popo has a scared look on his face.

Popo: pppppppllllllllllease don't hurt me sister! I beg of you! –clings to Nana's leg-

Nana: -kicks Popo away and stabs his arm and kicks him in the balls-

Popo: -cries-

The people who were looking at Popo and Nana fighting laugh really hard.

Diddy: whoa, the dude is a pussy!

Dixie: -bleep!-hole ...that is one wimp of a brother!

Waluigi: I –bleeep!- him right now!

Banjo: ahahahahahahahaha! –coughs- oh god!

Popo bleeds to death.

Daisy: -takes pictures- brother beaten by his own sister.. this should go on the front page...awesome! ...wait, this should go on the...I give up. -throws the pictures away-

Wario: tourists sucks ass! Wanna have a pencil, bitch? –hands the pencil to a boy-

Felt: -throws the pencil away and violently punches Wario in the stomach- this for –punches Wario again- giving –punches Wario once again- free crappy pencils!

Wario vomits all over the tourists.

Toan: pig vomit! Run!

Xiao: he is scary!

Wario: yuh tuh, aruh dunm!-insults Toan and Xiao-

Felt: fatass moron...giving free pencils!—leaves to go to Yay Taco!-

Iris: wait up! –runs after Felt-

Popo: oh god, my balls!

Fudgie: whoa...his injury is worse than mine!

A guy: OMG! Chocolate ice cream cake whale! Yays! –bites Fudgie's tail-

Fudgie: awww, crap...

Nana: -stares at Fudgie who is being eaten...- if you can't beat them, join them! –bites herself-

Popo is dragged to the hospital.

Popo: oooooooowwww...my- Oh God! The pain!

Wario: kids and tourists must DIE!

Wario goes on a rampage.

Jitters: what's his problem? –punches a huge meat bag-

Boone: -is eating beetles out of a trash can- dunno!

Sally: d………do….r…k.Wa…….rio…i…is..a….d… …ork.. –monotone-

Mitzi: you said it, pink robo ninja squirrel thingy!

Saltbearto street.

Tir: you! –points to Ness and chases him-

Ness: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Wario appears out of nowhere.

Wario: you a stupid kangaroo!

Tir: what? –stops chasing-

Wario: -touches Tir's ass- ey!

Tir: O.O OMG! Sexual fatass panda! Help!

May: eeeeewwwwwww! –gets shot by a guy- what did I do…..what did I do…..-faints-

A girl with a ponytail walks by, stabs Wario in the leg, shoots him in the eye and disappears.

Fox: yo pimps and bitches!

Wario: hey edog!

Fox: hey dpig!

Snake: this sucks, I'm leaving! –leaves to go to a playground-

Wario: yo.. duh!

Fox: duh!

Wario: duh!

Fox: duuuuuuuuuh!

Wario: duh dumbo!

Fox: DUUUUH DUUUH DUUUH! DUUUUH DUUUH! –spanks his ass-

Ness: stupid bastards!

Tir: true words….now let's fight!

Ness: oh well, better than going home eating 4 month meat loaf!

Both: -fight-

Tir is seen chasing Ness with his weapon.

Wario: you duh! –leaves-

Falco: what's a turd? doo doo!

Zelda: you people are toony loonies! –eats an ant- mmmmm, crunchy!

Wario: you nut smoart!-acts really crazy-

Cybil: -is really clueless- O.o….I would rather spit on your head!-smacks Wario with Lisa's frying pan-

Bus # 1.

A beaver, a wolf and a blond haired woman sat and talked.

Link: wood and jelly! Nanananananaana Buttman! Buttman! –gnaws a piece of wood-

Marth: sooooo…..tell me your secret!

Roy: no, if anybody in this bus finds out…..I'll be in jail…..for life! You don't want that, do you? –giggles like a seductive woman-

Marth: ….-cricket chirps-

Link: do the robo monkey dance! Yays!

Roy: cute…-smirks-

Marth: -howls-

Captain Falcon: -is eating a tobacco sandwich- buhdo! A123421! Heeeeeya, Maria!

"Maria"/ Roy: -kicks Captain Falcon in the crotch- why won't you die! –hisses like a snake-

Captain Falcon: uh ok! –is beaten to death by pyramid heads-

Marth: your sexy as a girl…-smirks-

"Maria"/ Roy: shut up you decease-filled canine!

Marth: your a stripper!

"Maria": you smell like dead kumquat babies!

The Real Maria: AAAAAAAAHHHHH! Doppelganger! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! James impersonator! –points to Marth and jumps out the window- finally! Oh noes! –screams- Jjjjjjjjjjjjaaaaaaaaaaames!

Marth: I'm not James!

Maria: James! –clingy-

Link: that was sooooo awkward. Oh, I gotta go guys!

"Maria": why? So you can get killed by pyramid heads and man eating toddlers?-laughs very hard and stops-

Link: I'm gonna serve ice cream!

"Maria": what kind? Blood and fetuses? –distorted laughter-

Link: I serve that only to Luigi the baby eater!

"Maria": Luigi? –does a bloody scream, runs around like an idiot and crashes into a brown cat-

Kitty: mew?

"Maria": OMG! Luigi is gonna eat me!-screams and runs around-

Kitty: mew? o.o

"Maria": what a cute kitty….die DK! –grabs a kitchen knife-

Kitty: -runs away, far away-

Marth: go away!

Maria: James! O.O –still clinging-

Kitty: meow!

Diddy is seen shooting Petey with Cybil's gun in the background.

Diddy: what a cheap rip-off at Budget Mart! Die you piece of goat doo-doo!

Petey: -slithers and burns-

Wario: who are you, stupid monkey boy?

Diddy: -completely ignoring Wario- let's celebrate with vanilla milkshakes!

Dixie: yays!

They both walk away.

Wario: -grabs a 3 week chili dog and eats it-

Peach: ewwww!

Bowser: stupid TV toddlers!-punches the small TV-

Boy with a big hat: what's wrong with TV, old man?

Bowser: -old man's voice- the news is run by useless babies! The commercials are disturbing! Republicans are dick holes!

The huge TV shows a commercial about forests. The forest looks peaceful and then a bunch of rednecks appear and shoot everything in the forest. Blood is smeared everywhere in the forest. And a black screen appears saying: never let a redneck wander in the forest in red text. and then it shows Sesame Street: Uncensored.

Elmo: Elmo been bad!-is spanked by Ernie and Bert-

Boy: Mommy, my eyes!

Cybil: Oh damn it, my eyes are being cooked in the sun! Matt, get the hell away from the TV! Oh my god! Aaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhh!

Matt: wahhhh! Mommy's gone kooky!

Cybil goes insane, whacking cars with a huge fork.

Matt: daddy is not like mommy is!

Bowser: see? Those people hate TV as much I do! Stupid baby goat!

Boy with a big hat: TV doesn't suck!

Peach: -loud ribbit- great, Toma and Bowser are at it..again.

Toma: I'm not a baby, you TV hating zombie cockroach!

A man walks up to Peach.

Man: Have you seen a blond haired woman wearing red clothes? Her name's Maria and I'm looking for her.

Peach: Look buddy, this is not the lost and found center! Go ask the worst cops in the universe for that info! –pointing to the two dogs yawning and scratching their asses with her tongue-

Man: where's the kitty-kitty bakery? –asking Booker-

Booker: -farts loudly- uh, ummmmmmm………..up in the sky!

Man: I don't see anything…wait, a UFO…naw…..just stupid birds!-looking up in the sky- your a damn liar!

Booker: it's invisible!

Copper: he's right!

Man: you bastards! -thinking- man, that talking pink frog wasn't kidding about the worst cops!-hits head-

Copper: are you having a headache? -is biting Booker's leg for no reason-

Man: you are both the stupidest and nastiest cops I've ever met! You're even worse than Eddie!

Copper: I like to be a dirty cop!

Booker: me so horny for you!

Man: -annoyed- I'm leaving!

Wario: -gets arrested for harassing tourists- you haven't seen the last of me, tourists!

People pop in random places.

kitty: -turns into Angela- it's peanutbutterjellytime! Whereyougo? Peanutbutterjelly, peanutbutterjelly! Peanutbutterjellywithabaseballbat!

Lisa: I love you K.K. Slider! –throws her hat at him and eats fish burritos-

A Big Ben look alike suddenly collapses on Petey and Metaknight.

Cybil: muhahahahahahahaha!-smashes a house-

DK: pizzzzzzzzzzza!

Eliwood: what in god—gets killed by man eating nurses-

"Maria": I hate you step daddy! I despise you fetus eating rapist!-bloody eyes-

Marth: help me!

Matt: mommy's not like this!-sobs-

Olimar: can't you see I'm busy people!-touches a girl-

Luigi: kids, teens, adults and babies are yummy in my tummy! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Tom Nook!

Snake: is dad there? …..oh, Harry. How's it going. Cheryl who? What the hell is a Cherry!

Harry: Is this Pizza Galaxy? Is my daughter there?

Snake: NO!

Cheryl: daddy……..daddy!

Serra: fur is murder!-strangles an ugly looking nurse-

Zelda: you suck, zealot!

Heather: mrrrrrrrrrrrow!

Hector: watch the bakery while I'm killing somebody's bugs ok, Alessa?-opens the door and sees a bunch of angry villagers- oh my god!-closes door-

Alessa: I wanna have peanut buttah fudge chocolate marshmallow cookies nows daddy! D'OH!

Homer: I peed my pants!-faints of the sight of the angry mob-

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Sorry, it took weeks to get this chapter done! –sweatdrops-

Review or pyramid head will gnaw your brains out!

If you're a flamer, you will asplode in a second!

NEXT: Ganondorf, the psycho killah mailman!

Bye bye!


	6. Robo Ganondorf!

Random Wars

-everybody bursts into flames for no pathetic reason-

Luigi: people being boiled alive! Now that's heaven!

Mario: work for me bitch or I'll show humiliating pics of you!

Link: I eat shoes!

Marth: shaddap!

Zelda: -eats an ant- ants are my food!

Roy: give me a cigarette or I'll twist your face with my screwdriver bitch!

Falco: you suh, dunno knuw how tuh smokue! -points to a lamp-

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Ganondorf was walking down the street pissed off like always when's he delivering mail.

Random Guy: good morning!

Ganondorf: yeah, yeah...good morning my foot!

Random Guy: soooooo, how's your job?

Ganondorf: it sucks! People don't want mail because I shove it up my ass!

Random Guy: you do what?

Ganondorf: and I kill people when they get their mail!

Random Guy: ...riiiiiiiiight.

Ganondorf: -stabs the random guy to death and stuffs his body in some broken refrigerator- that's the end of that!

Boy: mommy...I don't wanna be eaten by the mailman!

Woman: don't you dare eat my son! –grabs the boy and runs away-

Ganondorf: lady, your son doesn't look appetizing!

Ganondorf: here's your package, bitch!-stabs a random baby and stuffs it in the broken refrigerator- burn people burn!-throws fire at random people-

The random people burn into a crisp.

Meanwhile in Sunny..

The sign outside says "Welcome to Sunny Village!" and bottom line says "it's always summer here!"

Hector: whatdowedo!-panics- The CPS is gonna get us!

Alessa: -foams like a rabid racoon on drugs- ahahahahahahahaha! –tries to open the door-

Hector: -drags Alessa away from the door- you don't wanna be taken away, right?

Alessa: Blueberry cakes rules! –smiles-

Hector: I should never have fed you too many sweets today.

Alessa: -stops being crazy- daddy, is mommy and my younger sister trying take me away?

Hector: no, it's the CPS. -is trying find a secret doorway- jackpot! Let's go!-opens the door behind the kitchen- gods, it smells like a guy who committed suicide!

Alessa: it smells like my great great great aunt!

Hector: whatever, let's escape while we can.

Alessa and Hector end up in the sewers.

Cult member # 45: open the damn door! The girl must be taken hostage!

Cult member # 120: yeah! Hostage!

A light purple haired girl appears out of the mist and spouts odd religious gibberish.

Girl: aah! My pencil! OoO! The world! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Noooooooo! I'm God mama!

Cult member # 567: poor stupid Florina. Just like Dahlia.

Florina: burn ahaha!-sets him on fire-

The cult guy turns into dust.

Florina: -is punching the door- biiiiiiiiitch, I know your in there!

Florina grabs a knife and stabs the door knob with it.

Florina: The Order is here! –eyes turn into dots- oh...just SWEET HEAVEN! –stabs the glass, grabs some cake and some lemon pie.-

Cult woman: no Roy here.

Cult man: I didn't know her dad was a baker!

Florina: - stuffs pie, cake and cookies into her pocket- bahahahaha!

Meanwhile in Redcrow city...

Snake: I dunno where your daughter is!

Harry: you kidnapped her, did you? For the love of kittens, tell me Snake!-shakes Snake and starts sobbing-

Snake: no, are you on drugs or something? Pull your self together, Jebus Christ!

Harry: give me my daughter back now or else!

Cheryl: -runs around in the background- daddy, look at me!

Marth: help! Stripper!

Maria: James! Marry me!

A scene shows Stewie and Link in an ice cream stand named "Wii are dancing Llamas".

Stewie: I'll have vanilla deluxe and your nuts.

Link scoops the ice cream with his feet. pretty stupid huh.

Link: here you go!-hands it over with his feet-

Stewie: eeeeeew...you forgot the nuts.

Link: huh?

Stewie: your nuts.

Link: huh?

Stewie: you're here to serve ice cream to people, not thinking "how-long-this-customer-is-bug-me"!-smacks Link in the head- give me your nuts!

Link: you mean my balls?

Stewie: NO! you dumbwad!

Link: aaaah, you mean the nuts!-points to peanuts- what kind do you want?

Stewie: pecan...I will rule the world with pecans! PECANS!

Link: -anime sweat drop- oooooooooook.

Stewie: just give me the stupid pecans.

Link: -gives the pecans to Stewie-

Stewie: -eats the ice cream with some spoon he found on the floor- so...where do you go after 7:30?

Link: nothing great.

Stewie: wanna take over the world with me?

Link: no, I can't.

Stewie: why? you know what? You suck. You really do.

Link: because donkey people might take over this very stand. -shudders over the thought-

And all of a sudden...raining S'mores and biscuits!

Stewie: YAY! –grabs a S'more and dips it in the pecan bowl-

Link: where's that coming from?

Harry: what the heck is that?

Snake: I like biscuits!

Cheryl: look at me!

Harry: not now, Cheryl. Daddy's wondering why the rain is S'mores and biscuits!

Harry turns around and sees Cheryl.

Harry: Oh my lord, your not kidnapped after all!-hugs his daughter-

Cheryl: ...dad.

Harry: what is it?

Cheryl: DOG GOATS WITH RABIES ARE GONNA IVADE MEXICO! AAAAH! O.o!

Harry: that's my girl! –smiles-

Luigi: is your kid for sale? I'll give you bazillion dollars for your kid!

Harry: no! you gonna eat my daughter for breakfast!

Cheryl: aaaaaah, kid eater! Don't eat me! I'm not goat cheese!

Luigi: oh, I changed my mind. Your kid doesn't look good to be food. Not even in a gazillion years.

Harry: phew! Cheryl is the only family I have left, so please don't eat her.

Luigi: yeah, your daughter is too ugly. -grabs a pic of Peach and Zelda- now these two are real food!

Harry: this city is a little odd, from cannibals to killer mailmen... -shrugs-...but there's so many nice people here! –hears screaming and gun shots from the Blood Shark strip club- sort of.

Cheryl: I wanna see the pink frog again! daddy!

Robo Ganondorf suddenly appears out of nowhere!

Robo Ganondorf: -burns Luigi- aha.ahahaha.

Angela: nooooooooooooo! Luigi!

Robo Ganondorf: who.are.you. –in a very dull voice-

Angela: uuuuuuuum, your "favourite" next-door neighbour!

Robo Ganondorf: oh.that.

Angela: what happened to you?

Robo Ganondorf: that.is.none.of.your.business.bitch.

Angela: you look a lot like my dad.

Robo Ganondorf: O.RLY.

Angela: Y RLY!

Robo Ganondorf: I.hate.you.

Angela: that's ok, I like mama better!

Robo Ganondorf: must.kill.Samus.

Angela: -grabs a spare knife and stabs Robo Ganondorf over and over again-

Robo Ganondorf: -explodes and screams- screw-aaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Link: you know, if it's your birthday...you get to dance with the ice cream llama and you get a truckload of ice cream for free!

Stewie: -gives 2 gold coins to Link- oh what a pity, it's not my birthday today...but can we pretend it is?

Link: works for me when I'm not working! But its 7:30, so somebody else is gonna take my place.

Stewie: you can't just leave! What about the—sobs-

Link:-takes off the hat, the uniform and puts back his green hat on his head and leaves-

Some geeky looking guy appears.

Stewie: -is still sobbing- why god why!

Cricket chirps.

Geeky guy: dunno what you're talking about.-is cleaning the tables-

Stewie continues sobbing uncontrollably.

Geeky guy: -blinks- yeah.

Green Devil Vista apartments.

Zelda is waiting for Marth to come to her apartment for some reason and becomes frustrated.

Zelda: -is walking around putting her hands behind her back- damn Marth. When will he come? When?

And then there was a loud knock on the door.

Zelda: who is it?

Marth: it's me Marth!

Zelda opens the door seeing Marth with Maria still clinging onto his leg and another girl with bandages wrapped around her eyes.

Zelda: oh...my...god. your cheating on me!

Marth: no, I'm not!

Zelda: I bet you have bazillion girlfriends! You wussy looking idiot!

"Angela": I'm not his girlfriend!

Maria: I'm not his girlfriend either! I'm just a stalker!-stops clinging to Marth and leaves-

Zelda grabs a glass bottle dropped on the floor.

Zelda: come here you god damn bastard!

Marth: -gulps- fine..

"Angela": can I come in, Zelda?

Zelda: hell no you bitch you stay out of this or else!

"Angela": -roars- fine, be that way! Be miss-I-kill-people-and-I-hide-them-under-some-people's-beds!-grabs a blood-covered screwdriver from her pocket- she must rot in hell! But first, I'm starving..-touches a bald priest- this is not a vegan sundae!

"Angela" falls into a mud puddle.

"Angela": huh? ewww...donkey –bleep-! Now where's my bloody screwdriver/gun?

Marth comes in and gets beaten to a bloody pulp by Zelda.

Two people hear loud screams from the apartment down on the 3rd floor.

Ashley: that jerk Zelda, she has some real issues!

Leon: Zelda? Again? I heard she kills her victims and eats them for breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner and dessert! Wait, that's Luigi. Ummm, she...uh..I forget!

They both look at each other.

Ashley: ...wanna weenie?

Leon: no, I'm on a diet.

Meanwhile..

James: oh...no. I forgot Mary!

Pyramid Head: Hubba Zubba Wha?

Link: Hubba Zubba Wha? Is that the new restaurant across the street?

Pyramid Head: yup, it has a cool name!

They both sing the Hubba Zubba Wha song!

Meanwhile.. in Mexico.

Mary: damn you James! Damn you!

Some Mexican: -translated- I can't hear you! I'm shovelling cow poop!

Mary: -faints-

Some Mexican # 8: -translated- let's eat burritos!

Crazy Frog: ding-ding-ding-buh-buh! Wait, I'm in Mexico? Oh well. Dingdodadingdadingdadodingda!

Ganondorf: -appears from nowhere- noooooooooo! Anywhere but Mexico!

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review and you will get a cookie for free!

NO FLAMES OR YOUR BRAINS WILL BE EATEN! AND NO COOKIE!


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